I am still shaken by today’s events. I cannot even talk. All I can do is thank God for this escape.
You see, I was running errands in town when my poor stomach decided that it would not give me peace until I spoilt it a little bit. So I happily gave in. On my way to a nearby restaurant a guy stopped me and immediately I had a weird feeling in my gut. I stopped anyway. His head was clean shaven. (You know those heads that remind you of an egg shell? His was one of those heads) His eyes were blood-shot and he had a long unkempt beard. It must be lice-infested, that was the first thing that came to my mind. (I digress; those men with long beards, do they usually comb it? Stupid questions that I always ask myself)
Anyway, when he opened his mouth to speak a terrible stench slapped me hard. I think he must have been drunk. He asked me for directions to a children’s home that I had never heard of before. I therefore politely told him that I do not know of that home. (Did I mention that he had a crappy accent? It was as if he was trying to prove that he has been to USA, or he is well educated, I do not know)
“You see that fleet of cars over there?” said he, “They are all mine. I am actually trying to hide so that people don’t recognize me.”
Oh, so he was some public figure. “If you always watch channel X and Y you must have seen me. I work with Z ministries. The children’s home I was asking you about used to be in this street. I am being told it was relocated and it is now near Supermarket S.”
We were standing near that Supermarket S, I realized. As he was talking to me another guy was passing by. Mr. Crappy Accent stopped him and asked him for the directions.
“Oh, I know that home. It used to be in this street but it was relocated It is now located opposite Supermarket S.” the guy told Mr. Crappy Accent.
So that home existed. Mr Crappy Accent introduced himself to us and immediately Mr. Passing Guy recognized him (or feigned to recognize him) and immediately told him that he had seen him on TV several times. I think I must have left my sixth sense at home. Why hadn’t I thought that maybe they were partners in crime and they had done some acting practice to execute their crime?
Mr Crappy Accent begged us to allow him to share with us a few verses. I reluctantly agreed. After all, he was just being a disciple of Christ, I convinced myself. He then told me that he knew I was suffering and that I was terribly in need of a job. If I gave him a chance he would tell all that is there about me, how many boyfriends I had and all.
How in this planet did he know all this? No sooner had he told me that than I let down my guard. I found myself in his car and we arrived in a restaurant in seconds. (Okay, I am exaggerating. The very thought of having lunch paid for me excited me; and the fact that a total stranger knew about my life exhilarated me. I accepted his offer because he had also promised to get me a well paying job).
I found a very ‘pleasant’ surprise at the restaurant. My mum was leaving the restaurant as we were entering. How could she even be here? I was so sure that she was in another town. Apparently, she had decided to come back home earlier than expected. Did she spot me? Oh yes she did.
I do not want to go into graphic details of the scene that ensued. As I write this I am in my room wondering what on earth was wrong with me. I am the newest celebrity of my town. Of course, some good sense was beaten into my head.