I should probably start by asking how you are doing before proceeding to say what I want to. However, allow me to break the rules today because I know you will lie to me. You will say that you are fine. You will say that you are loving life. Fortunately or unfortunately, I know you are not okay.
People always know you as someone of thick skin because whatever insult they hurl at you seems to bounce off your skin. I somehow know they secretly penetrate your being, and you’re hurting! Every time strangers point at you and laugh because you are different, every time friends who you are walking with suddenly vanish because they do not want to be seen with you, the little self-esteem that you had built comes tumbling down, I know that.
Your pillow is drenched in tears every night because you feel that what you are going through is too much to bear. You try to go through plus-size magazines to make you feel better but they do not help; because the negativity that is in your head overpowers the positivity that is being preached there. Each time you wish you were as slim as me, despite all the “I love me just the way I am” that you tell everyone. You ask God why He chose to create you this way, why He lets you go through this. You do not understand why, but someday you will. You will even be happy that He let you go through this fire; as we already know, fire refines gold.
Do not look at me and think that my life is perfect because I am slim. I already confided in you about my insecurity about my sausage-like toes, and your retort changed the way I think about life. I have never told you this: prior to your telling me to cut off my toes if I did not like them, I used to hate myself. You think I have not gone through enough “You bag of bones!” issues? I had made it my mission to gain weight this year but however much I ingested and imbibed, my weight either remained constant or dropped. The struggle is real!
What I am trying to tell you is that it is okay to be vulnerable, it is okay to hurt. What hurts me more is that you thrive in living a plastic life with all those plastic smiles. I need you to be real with me for once, open up and tell me what you are going through otherwise I am afraid that you will sink into depression.
After reading this letter you must be wondering whether there are hidden cameras in your room. No, its the connection that we have that makes me know whenever you are not okay. We have fought many battles together, please do not fight this on your own. I am here for you, and I will always be. Just trust me. Let us stay connected. 🙂
Lots of love