In one of my previous posts; Letting Go, I confessed to you guys that I have always been unlucky in the dating game. For long, I have had the word ‘looser’ deeply engraved on my forehead. My attempts of winning the game have been met with ‘Game Over’ and ‘Sorry, you lost’ before I understand the game, even before I begin enjoy it. Indeed, the only thing that I have succeeded to do is fail. Yes, I have succeeded to fail and failed to succeed.
So, one of these fine days I was walking to some destination and I met this guy. Apparently we were heading in the same direction. He said hi and talked to me, showered me with compliments. I do not know if it is his looks, his sweet words or even his gait (funny huh?) that took my breath away. He asked for my number after I had reached my destination. He still had a long way to go but he was going anywhere without my number. I recalled refusing adamantly to give some other guy my number (someone who had impressed me) thinking I would meet him again. I was so mistaken. I never saw the guy again. I did not want a repeat of the same, so I gave him my number after pretending to hesitate.
I would be lying through my teeth if I said my life went on normally after that meeting. My thoughts got a life of their own and decided to focus on him. I begged them to focus on more important matters but they responded with concentrating on the guy. I checked my phone after every microsecond. No call. No text. Disappointment. The cycle went on for the rest of the day. I was resigned to the fact that maybe he was not serious after all. Why would he not call anyway?
He finally called the next day and I was super excited! He asked if we could meet and I said yes before he finished his question. I really hoped, prayed that he would be a person of good character and someone I could relate with. Sadly, his values conflicted with mine and I knew I had to tell him that a relationship could not work out. The words that stood out in our conversation?
We men are known to be dogs. Unfairly. Anyway, to go by what you ladies usually call us, I wish to say that there are two categories of dogs. Those who bark, and those who bite. I am in the category of those who bite.
To say that I was deeply disappointed, that the statement scared the hell out of me is a super understatement. I could hear God tell me to say no to the relationship and I tried to negotiate with Him. I had feelings for him, I thought this could be a happy-ever-after. Why would He bring the guy along if we were not meant to be?
I finally gave in and gathered my scanty reserves of courage and told him we had to call it quits. What followed was my emotions going haywire. I liked him, but I had to say no. My brain was telling me, “Bravo! You did it!” but my heart could not see the sense in my actions. This battle of wills took a toll on me. It did not last forever though. It is during this time that I really understood why God tells me to wait, that singlehood is actually a gift.. What is the use of dating just for fun when I could use that time to develop myself, to learn new things? There’s really no point in spending valuable time with someone who doesn’t add any value to your life.
I am happy I listened to God. My action saved me from a lot of heartache. You know, if I had said yes I would have had to compromise on my values at some point. Then I would be guilty. Then I would feel terrible about myself. The list is long.
I have learnt this the hard way. We really have to check what drives us to do the things that we do. If the motive is wrong, we have to stop doing them.